Beauty in the Breakdown


For those who read my blog post last week, I wanted to let you know that I’m still wandering in the wilderness of my mind. The scenery is not unpleasant here, just a bit repetitive, and at times boring. It’s familiar, and if I am to be honest, there’s a sense of safety in the familiarity. As much as I seek a new direction, and to have the path illuminated before me, I feel like I continue to be lost in the forest looking for the trees. That’s a familiar defence from childhood. If what’s in front of me was too scary to look at, then I allowed confusion to muddy the waters enough that nothing was visible. The child part inside of me is afraid to take the road less travelled at the moment.


I remember being in this state several years ago. I had been involved in a car accident, and among other injuries, the impact of the accident scrambled my brain. I had a counselling practice at the time that I ended up closing. After the accident I couldn’t remember what my client had told me from one appointment to the next, and it didn’t feel ethical to continue to see clients in that state of mind. As I sat at home day after day, I started to lose my perspective and I forgot who I was. I called a dear friend one night when I was in the middle of an emotional meltdown. I said to her, “I’ve forgotten who I am. Can you remind me?” And as only a dear soul friend can do, she very lovingly and patiently affirmed all the incredible parts that make up the unique soul incarnation known in this lifetime as Denise Cunningham.


So it’s no surprise to me that as I’m wandering in this mind wilderness again, I get a message from this same dear soul friend today, asking if I’d like to meet for dinner tonight! We live quite a distance apart, but as synchronicity would have it, she’s in town for a few days. I feel such joy at the thought of reconnecting in person with someone who sees my soul, as I see hers; in hearing about her life and supporting her on her path, as she supports me. There is such comfort in being held energetically in your absolute perfection by another. And in returning that gift. To receive confirmation that all parts of us are okay…not just the bright shiny parts. Today I remember that there is beauty in the breakdown. The old needs to fall away in order to make room for the new. Sending love to all who are also in the forest of the unknown. Even though it’s not always comfortable here, it really is an incredible journey and I’m honoured that you’re on it with me.

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